Pulling myself back up AGAIN...

Although I did buy a new laminated journal to write my thoughts in, I still return to the same ol' blogger. Typing is the new cursive.

School has toned down just a bit. I'm learning day by day of what I should be reviewing and working hard to make sure that I do not bite myself a few days before the test. I did struggle at my first round of tests, but I will not let that bring down my hope. NEVER!

I do have PPA to keep me sane and to realize that I do have the privelege to meet many different faces across campus. I have learned to be a more approachable person, and to be witty as well. I have not stress too much about the club these last few weeks because I have realized that the stress was just a time waster.

I want to be a pharmacist. I really want to be the person that the patient looks to whenever they are questionable about what they are taking. I need to be the person that has the answers. I cannot be worrying because I should be ready. And I will be.

Dear Lord,

Thanks for all the blessings you have given me. You are such a wonderful God. I know I do not deserve it all. Please let me be the light that you want me to be. I want to be the new light that could shine in other people's lives. I ask you for patience with my family, and perserverance as I make my way through obstacles that Satan brings before me. You are amazing.

Amen.

Heartbroken.

Right now I'm heartbroken. Reality just slapped me on the face. As much as I want to make everyone happy, I surely can't, and I certainly failed as being a girlfriend. I'm not going to go into details, but I am just crushed. I know my time is up. It is over.

I do not know what is wrong with me. I came into this world naive and very open to anyone who would take care of me. I was not matched up during the first half of my life, but now I feel so alone. I feel heartbroken.

Why does that happen Lord? Why do we pour ourselves into a person that we truly think that will be the one for the rest of our lives, but then emotionally run down by problems? Was it because it was not meant to be and You were trying to show me signs to leave the relationship? Or was it more than that? How about if you were trying to get to me using the man that I love? I used that word wisely for a reason Lord. Strike my tongue so I may not speak it.

As much as I want him to be happy, and as much as I want to be happy, I know both cannot happen simultaneously. Either he is happy, or I'm happy. Seperated of course. Together, I don't know. I don't know if he was happy to be with me.

Why is everything falling apart now Lord. I'm being tested emotionally and it hurts. I gave my heart and I suppose it rusted. It got too old. I feel miserable Lord.

Dear God,

I have not been a very good daughter or a very good girlfriend lately. Snapping at my parents and my boyfriend for no reason has done me no good. I have turned into this monster, throwing anything and everything without conscience. I feel like I have not done your will all week or all my life. I know my character is not naturally like this, but Lord, why is it like this?

Why do I lash out in anger, or ignore wise sayings?
Why do I beat myself up over school when I know that in the end there is only the ones I love.
Why do I not make my boyfriend happy whenever he does his best to make me happy.
Why am I not the same person I was?

Lord, I feel like I have lost myself. I have lost my character, my kindness, my culture. I have just recently told him that I could not talk to him for a while because my poor attitude is diffusing into his character- which is one of the last things I was to do to a person. I rather corrupt myself and punish myself only for my problems rather than spread them to the ones I love.

Lord, I repent of my sins and the sorrow I have caused. I hope to be a better daughter, a better girlfriend and a better friend right now, because I am unaware if I will be alive tomorrow. I pray to be a better person and to be a shining influence in all the lives I touch.

I pray for mercy, forgiveness, love, wisdom and understanding. I love your grace lifting me up whenever I am in the car and listening to song that talk so great about you. I love singing and praising you. I thank you for all you have done for me; giving me this house to live in, wonderful parents, a great boyfriend, and friends that all stick by me thick and thin. I thank you for every breathe I take, every move I make, and every decision that I can make because these are all things that I take for granted Lord, and I pray to be the best child I can be.

Amen.

Dear God...

Dear God,

I had experienced many emotions this week. I was falsely scared and sad, and I was truely scared and sad. The way I felt during each situation all rooted from a happy moment. I have always wondered if happiness and negative feelings should be in equilibrium. Because lately, they have.

This week I though my friend was dead. I was scared. Knowing that in any moment someone can say their last words in an instant. As dumbfounded as I was, as shocked as my body was, I dropped my books and prayed. Turns out this friend trick many of us by pretending to be dead. Death and emotions are definitely not subjects anyone should joke about.

I found out that my dancing buddy at St. Lukes passed away a few weeks ago. He was in his 50s. What was so striking about his death was that he looked perfectly healthy, always had a happy face and was never tardy in his attitude or in his work. He was a joyful man. Although I didn't get to spend time with him for that long, I'm proud that I knew him. He is a happy man, who dance with me with the radio songs, in front of the pharmacy counter. I hope you are doing okay up there Mr. Richard.

And now today, I was at the gasoline station and I saw two people fighting. I couldn't quite eavesdrop during the quarrel, but I saw that the man had a gun, and the woman had a small pocket knife. The woman called the police, and I did too. I was frightened, for the woman and for all the people in the gasoline station. The guy had a pistol and could easily ruin lives who were simply at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Thank you for all your protection, your love, and the safety you give us Lord.
I hope everyone will be safe this summer, and come back in one piece.
Amen.

Running out of gas.

It is safe to say that I am not the only crazy person who is running crazy from ridiculous gas prices. Seems like everywhere I go now, the easiest way to pull up a conversation is by complaining about gas prices, rather than "where do you work, or where do you go to school".

So my life has been pretty hectic lately. I'm working every week, going to school for 4/7 days for 4 hours straight in the evening, searching for spare change to fill my gas take to half a gallon so that I'd never go empty, and of course volunteering.

I have been getting complaints about people not being able to hang out with me or being boring by sleeping instead of hanging out, and I'm sorry. I actually enjoy keeping myself busy. I do not like the old ideas of boring and unaccomplish summers and I plan to achieve half or all of my list of things to do before fall begins.

I want to thank all my friends who have stuck with me through and through, and the new ones that seem like they will never fade. I pray that all of you have plenty of blessings now and as your life continues.

Pump that.

library

Dear Bloggers,

It turns out I'm allergic to the library, or there are some really bad bugs hiding between the books.

I had a bio lab paper due. So I decided to go up to the 2nd floor and look for a book on E. coli. Much to my surprise, there are plenty of books on E. coli. But I couldn't read them all, so I picked a big one and a small one.

I didn't really open and used information from the book until I went home. But that was the death of me---I started having multiple "ant" bites on my elbows, my inner arms are starting to swell, it almost looks like I have a bad disease.

I'm really hoping this mind over matter logic helps today, because my creams and alternative medications are NOT working. BOO!

Have a great day,
Sarah

New Blog

So, I liked my other blog, but it was all emotional. I really do not want people butting into that part of me, so I decided to make a nice, clean new one.

I am running for PPA vice president.
My platform:

I will have PPA involved in plenty of volunteer activities,
and set them up accordingly so that everyone will have a
chance to volunteer.

I am also a great listener, I'll listen and act on any problems
concerning PPA, but I will never go against the rules.

I will be the president's right hand (or left hand if he/she is left handed)
and take all responsibiliies if the president is unable to.

That involves helping to set up meetings, call different guest speakers
(such as different kinds of experienced pharmacists, or different colleges
of pharmacies), or just helping out the president period.

I'm a friendly, active and responsible member of PPA, and I will
fully lead and serve to PPA and its members if chosen for VP.


Okay, I'd write more but I'm studying for 2 tests.
Spread the word :D